Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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