Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I don't deserve a penis
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
