alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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