After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
