Taylor Swift is so right about you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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