first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
