Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
