first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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