we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Randomize
