when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
