She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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