So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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