literally had 100 drinks last night.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
