dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
