No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
