i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
