Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Randomize
