Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My vagina just recognized that song.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
