I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
