they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
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Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
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I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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