I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
