he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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