I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
