Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
