I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have grass duct taped all over my body
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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