The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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