I wanna passion pit in your ass
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
