I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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