She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
