I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Someone shit on the floor
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
