there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
