she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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