I accidentally had phone sex last night
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
