you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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