Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
