He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
