I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
