When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
