I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
