I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
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