I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I am midnight drunk by noon
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
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we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
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My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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