dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
