I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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