You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ladies don't puke and tell
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
