I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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