all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
