you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
