Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
