Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
