I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
