drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
