____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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