Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
