The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
