I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... π―πππ
Do I even want to know?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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