what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
