Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
