I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
