yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize