I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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