What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo