im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
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You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.