My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
