When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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