Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
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