I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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