"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
