Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
soo... how was my night?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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