I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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