Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
