at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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