I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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