I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
