wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
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she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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