Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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