I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
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this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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