is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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