Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Randomize
