Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Sober January is a disaster.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
