Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
