Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
