Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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