His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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