can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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