Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
