what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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