its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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