how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Randomize
