i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
