haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
