i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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