I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize