I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
