just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Randomize
